Friday, September 12, 2008

Commodity

The other day I saw an advertisement in the Readers’ Digest that amused me to no end. I am one of those unfortunate people who suffer from chronic bowel disorder and hence spend a large part of the day in the water closet. One might say that the loo looms large in my layout. Everyone learns to adapt to their situation and make the best of it, and therefore my w.c. has become a reading room as well where I read most of my fiction (fiction does not include the newspapers). So I have this peculiar attachment to the stool of release. Do forgive me for using such a scatological pun – but as my friends know I have this other disorder of verbal diarrhea. Every time I return from a trip I get reunited with my very own you know what (and with my side-pillow, which I gather is a typical Bengali habit). Such passion about any object also becomes aroused by the new. I am not one who indulges in xenophobia. I believe in new things, I believe in trying out new things.

So you can imagine my joy when I saw that a certain company has unveiled the latest breakthrough in toilet technology. The invention happens to be a state of the art aerodynamic digitalized commode. Yes, you may ask anything, you may remain agape for a while as I was. (It wasn’t the April issue.) But the advertisement promised a completely automated robotic ‘chamber pot’ which is smart, efficient and perhaps one day will even be called sexy! To top everything, it comes with a remote control. Excuse my ignorance, but such a thing I have never seen before. In the series Ally McBeal the character nicknamed The Biscuit had a remote flushing device for common toilets, but I thought that was just a joke. But one should not undermine the power of the joke, many a grand invention began as something silly. If no one had scoffed at Mr Edison, or Mr Beard and a number of other such people, modern civilization would hardly be modern.

But I am intrigued by this latest addition to human greatness. This intelligent thing will sense what you need and when. It will flush for you; it will spray two jets of water aiming at certain embarrassing places. It will raise its lid when you arrive – no other machine has ever been so polite – or was that something you have to do with the remote? I don’t remember if it can play music or not, but soon enough, I believe, this will be the ultimate entertainment unit. FM channels might even start a programme called Hit Sheet or something like that in strategic times in the morning! Isn’t technology wonderful!

4 comments:

Sayani said...

ha ha i think "washroom" is a peaceful zone where u can think uninterruptedly :P

i never knew abt this technology ..hail

:) take care

Imp's Mom said...

Tht would be some invention, wouldn't it.. :) and it suited the biscuit. he looked really cute, pursued lips and the button in hand...lol..

which edition if RD was this? I'm surprised I missed it..

and thanks to blogger I know am getting to the silent readers of my blog :)

Sucharita Sarkar said...

this is a wonderful idea for my better half who is very bitter if his toilet-troubles are not over in the morning.

ugich konitari said...

The "wonders" of technology ! While I shudder at what would happen if the system develops a bug, and water suddenly spurts at the wrong moment, wrong direction, and say, non stop, is there a similar system for the indian style toilets ?

And I seem to remember reading about some japanese invention, that simply anaylzes your "output", and prints a pathological report.....

what will they think of next ? ( I am not sure I want to know.....):-)

 
Custom Search